Becoming more fully human through relationships

Archbishop Desmond Tutu once said "A self-sufficient human being is sub human. God has made us for a delicate network of interdependence." ~Desmond Tutu

It is difficult to describe how much relationships have meant to our family over the last two months. We have been so richly and deeply blessed by the love and support of friends, family and even strangers.

Our lives are fuller because of the love and care of others.

The subject of my PhD (a lifetime ago!) was consciousness and identity. In the concluding chapters of that volume of research I developed a model of identity and 'human-ness' based on the African philosophy of Ubuntu. 'A person is a person through other people'. This concept of intersubjective growth is an essential part of what it means to grow and develop in community.

This weekend I spent three days with the 7 men that make up my forum group (the photo above shows four of the guys on the rocks at Hermanus where we had a closing communion service today). These guys journey together at a very deep and trusting level. We share everything about our lives, our struggles, our joys, and the challenges and opportunities that lie before us. We are committed to honesty, authenticity, and care. We have each other and our families at heart.

I have come to realise anew that life gets so busy, relationships become so superficial, and we end up living past one another, and as a result we live 'past' our true selves.

You can read more about forums at http://www.forumnetwork.co.za

Who do you rely on for companionship in life's journey? Is that circle of significant relationships wide enough to support you to be your best, and to become more fully human? I believe we all need a few deep and significant relationships to help us in this regard.

Have a blessed week!

Peace and belonging...

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa

Please see this link for more on 'identity', belonging, community and identity (ubuntu).  

Please aslso see this article, entitled, 'Do South Africans exist?'.  It is an academic article on identity, relationship and the African philosophy of ubuntu that I prepared for the Theological Society of Southern Africa.  It gives a fairly good introduction to the African philisophical and theological perspective on identity. 

I would love to hear what your perspective is on the notion of belonging and peace!

[You may have arrived here from a link on Ron Martoia's VelocityCulture site - if not, then please visit Ron's site for the context to my comment written below on 2 March 2010]

Hi Ron,

This is a challenging question indeed!

I think that part of what has made the Church such a significant place of community is the reality of life’s diversity. Joy, sorrow, life and death. When I was still a pastor of a local church I often used to stand in front of the communion table in the sacramental area and marvel at all of the stages of life that are marked in that space.

I would celebrate life and baptise the children of my members there, I would confirm the faith of young people who had discovered Christ since their baptism, I married many of those young people in that same space, and I even had occasion to bury one or two who had passed away at far too young an age.

However, the gravity of that sacred space was seldom recognised. I certainly overlooked it frequently, and I think the members of our congregation (much less the members of our city) hardly ever saw its significance!

In Africa there is a wonderful saying ‘umuntu ngumuntu ngamantu’ [roughly translated it says 'a person becomes more fully human through other people', or 'I am who I am because of who you are']. I have written about the African philosophy of ubuntu extensively (see this link for an introductory articlehttp://www.dionforster.com/blog/2009/7/17/peace-and-belonging.html ). I think there is a critical link between relationships and true identity. We can only become more fully human when we live our lives with others.

In this light I have found the following quotes encouraging and challenging:

- ‘My humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together.’ – Desmond Tutu
- ‘The holy task is not about becoming “spiritual” nearly as much as becoming human.’ – Richard Rohr

I agree that congregations are often bad at creating community – a lot of contemporary Christianity tends to present Jesus as a combination of my personal therapist and a stock broker… This is a common thread in just about every country I have visited in the world! Christians tend to seek entertainment rather than truth, we want comfort rather than companionship.

However, what is certain is that we need some form of community to tie our lives to the lives of others. Such ‘intersubjective’ interactions make us more fully human, and in so doing help us to become more like the archetypical person, Jesus.

I suppose that like you I am more committed to helping people connect meaningfully than I am about getting people to join churches. But, I am still committed to a local church.

Your insights are challenging as always!

Dion