The breakdown of social control and the democratization of intimacy

I remember when I was conscripted into the army more than two decades ago. I went into social isolation - it was long before cell phones and the remote military base where I was trained only had one working public telephone for the few hundred troops stationed there.

I forgot my birthday that year! The 14th of January came and went... It was some days later when I met the only other guy from my town at the dining hall when I realised that I had turned a year older.  Because I was completely cut off from my regular social circle during my basic training I had no concept of the social milestones of life.

This is an extreme example, but in reality contemporary society is shaped towards social control.  Pre-schools for infant children are little more than places in which children are lovingly (I hope!) taught to endure longer and longer periods of isolation from their regular social circle.  The children learn to be away from their families for extended periods of time.  They also learn to perform tasks that will make them a productive part of society at some point. Primary and secondary schooling takes this a step further (children dress in a uniform to differentiate them from home, they are ranked in classes and groups according to their language, age, and even intellect - all the while they are punished for using cell phones to phone or text friends and parents). Of course the workplace is another setting that enforces social control.  How many companies do you know that do not allow social networking technologies, such as instant messaging, skype, and facebook and such tools? With the advent of separate working and living areas people often leave their familiar surroundings behind for hours at a time (perhaps most of their waking hours) to enter into an environment that is not geared towards social support and intimacy.  The workplace is intended to restrict such distractions.  Sometimes there are safety concerns, but most often it has to do with productivity and finance.

However, with the rise of accessible social media technologies I have seen a remarkable trend towards the democratization of intimacy - what does this mean?  Well, let me give you an example.  This morning I arrived at my office at 5.45 AM.  I had an early meeting - however, at 7.30 AM I pulled myself aside and used my cellular phone to call my wife and children at home to 'connect' with them and wish them well for the day.  I was taking back my need for intimacy with my family.

I frequently travel (this weekend I shall be in Johannesburg, and in just over a week I shall be in Hong Kong and China for a week).  Skype makes this much more bearable!  It started for me back in 2005 when I was on a sabbatical in America.  While staying on the Duke University Campus in North Carolina I would connect my Apple Powerbook via wifi and use iChat (I have of course since moved onto Skype) to connect with my wife and infant daughter back in South Africa.  We would leave the video camera running as I worked, ate my meals, watched TV etc. My wife and daughter would go about their daily tasks.  It was almost as if we were in the same room!  We could see and hear one another, yet we were separated by thousands of miles!

More recently since my son was born I have truly come to appreciate this technology anew - for some years he was too young to talk on the phone.  Video conferencing (that is mostly FREE!) is an incredible way to cultivate and sustain a relationship when one has to be away from home - particularly when your son is too young to talk.

Of course there are many other ways in which people are subverting social control and 'taking back' intimacy! Text messaging is perhaps one of the most pervasive forms of 'communication technology'.  It is affordable and has a very broad reach (most people have cellular phones). For the wealthier population, facebook, twitter and other such social networking tools seem to be mechanisms of choice.

I wonder how long it will be before corporations realise that you can't stop people from connecting with one another; soon we will move from separating workers from their lives, towards integrating their intimacy needs with their family into a healthy working environment. I know that Google, for example, provides on site child care, flexible working hours and other such benefits to help staff deliver their best work while keeping this social balance.

The sociologist - Stefana Broadbent - did an amazing talk on this topic of social networking and intimacy at TED. It is well worth watching.  Her research shows how people are taking back intimacy in a world of social control. 

I'd love to hear how you keep contact with your family and friends in spite of the constraints of social control. What works best for you?  Is it the trusty old phone call, or do you use text messaging, skype, or even Apple's 'facetime'? I know a few people who have turned to Blackberry Messenger of late, and of course for those of us in the iPhone 'Whatsapp' is a great IM alternative!

Comments

[Philip]

Very interesting and something I too have experienced. Skype video allows me to connect with my brother and his family in the UK. Without Skype text I would connect with some friends far less often. SMS, email and Twitter are staple means of connecting with the world. I have tried something new lately though. Phoning people. Wow. As our friends and family become less and less localised it is more and more difficult to connect (it is not often you can pop across the road on a whim for coffee for a friend - this feels almost "retro"). And as life becomes more and more hectic we have less and less time for meaningful interactions - and since I spend more time at the office than anywhere else being able to connect via Skype, SMS or email enables me remain connected to friends and family throughout the day.