Dealing with critical people
Tuesday, March 16, 2010 at 9:07AM I don't know about you, but I don't particularly like to be disliked! How do you deal with people that are critical of you? Moreover, if you know that you will never be able to 'win' the person over to your point of view do you spend time and energy on them anyway? What is the Christ-like thing to do?
This QIK video (the first in a while!) explains some of my feelings about being understood by others (or not needing to be understood by others).
I have come to make peace with the fact that not everyone will like, or understand, me. Heck, there are parts of my own personality that I don't like or understand, and parts of my theology and spirituality that are unique and inconsistent. But, I am sincere in my love of Christ and my desire to honour Him and His ways. Most often that is enough!
I'd love to hear your insights and thoughts. How do you deal with critical people?
Reader Comments (6)
Part of my sojourn back from the full time ministry and into the "corporate world" has been a discovery that the more people I meet, the more I like my goldfish. People are sinners like you and me. They hurt and bicker and belittle each other. ( maybe Augustine can give you an insigth here on original sin.)
i know what you are saying but in my experience it is not realistic to expect sinners to be nice people. Having discovered sin in myself, I dont even think I am a nice person. Hence our need for Christ. My only advice to you ( since I am a tiny bit older) is dont expect too much from people. They will let you down, and they will critisize you. Turining the other cheek has never been easy.
In Christ
Simon
Dion,
Thank you for sharing this post. Mindy and I have recieved criticism about our new book that came out and had similar feelings to what you just shared. We wanted somehow to convince people to like us or to respond differently to our content.
I think many times we want people to like us because we get our identity from what people think about us rather than getting our identity in Christ. When we do that we need to change their mind because who we are is wrapped up in how they view us.
What a challenge you have put out there. Thanks
Simon,
Thanks for the wise advice. I guess that in some ways I am just to optimistic about people not to trust them and seek to enjoy their company and presence. Indeed, you're correct, we all struggle with aspects of ourselves - sin indeed - and that often causes us to struggle to relate to others. In this particular case the persons who have been taking issue with me (and some of those I am in ministry with) are taking issue with theological points of view and making it personal. They do claim to know and love Christ, I don't doubt that their intentions are sincere. Strangely, as you would know, my theological perspectives do tend to be liberal (although liberal evangelical) whereas the others who were taken to task were conservatives, pentecostals and charismatics. It would seem that this group are not satisfied with anyone who is not exactly like they are!
Jon, I like what you've said about finding one's identity in Christ. I do attempt to do that. I have also attempted to see Christ in others, particularly those that I struggle to relate to.
I suppose that this is why our faith is a discipline of love!
With rich blessing in Christ!
Dion (still on the journey!)
A lot surely depends on the validity of the criticism, and the motives of the critic.
If someone criticises what you do, then they should have some accurate knowledge of what you do. If they don't, then the criticism is invalid. Then there are two possibilities -- they might think that what you are doing shouldn't be done by anyone, not just by you. Or they might think that someone else can do a better job than you. And so it goes.
Another thing is the presuppositions of the criticism -- for example an atheist might criticise what you do on the ground that there is no God, and thus anything that you do to promote the Christian faith will be bad in their eyes -- the further their worldview from yours, the less seriously will you take their criticism.
And then their motives -- is it malice, jealiousy, or constructive?
Hi Steve,
Thanks for your comment - I agree, I have certainly had to listen to constructive criticism over the years in order to learn and grow.
In the instance that prompted this post the critic is inconsistent (there is no clear pattern to what the individual criticizes over a vast number of critical posts about individuals from just about every theological perspective from the most conservative to the most liberal and everything in between). Then the criticism that the person raises is baseless.
See Jenny's blog for some details of the case in point.
Rich blessing, thanks for stopping by!
Dion
Oh, yes, i saw that on Jenny's blog and commented there.
I wouldn't take that criticism too seriously.
I read that blog a few months ago when it made some vicious ad hominem attacks on Nic Paton.
It seems that the attitude of the blog author is "If you don't think exactly like me you are wrong, and I'm not going to tell you what I think like - it's up to you to guess."
Life's too short to waste playing such infantile word games.