On my daily commute...

I am an extrovert... Those of you who know me, know that I love people! I am energized by crowds! I look forward to going into busy places and meeting people that I have never met before. I get excited about establishing new contacts. And, when I am in a meeting I swap business cards like it's a game of blackjack! People, people, people... I love people.

However, something strange has started to happen in the last few months. I have found the need for 'space' and 'quite' to be growing within me. I've been trying to work out what has caused this and I can't quite put my finger on it.

I have guessed that my accident may have something to do with it. Since the accident some months ago I have been so acutely aware of my own frailty and immortality. Also, the recovery has forced me to move a little slower (which I do find frustrating), and to recognise my need of others to get things done (even simple things, like carrying my backpack up the stairs to my office)...

I have also considered that my move into my new post has caused me to become a little more introspective. The move into this post has been exciting, high paced, varied in nature, and yet also somewhat unsettling. For the first time in many years I have had to 're-learn' and 'un-learn' skills that I thought I had mastered. I now sit in a meeting and realise that I am not an 'expert' on the subjects at hand (ministers often have the luxury of being the most theologically astute among their lay counterparts - so we learn to speak as if we have the answers. It is a weakness, I confess!) Here, in these meetings, my value is measured in very concrete terms - how well I can organise things, how precise and meticulous my ideas and plans are, and what I have managed to achieve towards the given objectives at hand.

Naturally such changes do cause one to have to retreat into one's self to rediscover who one truly is. You may recal, dear reader, that for more than a year I have been working through the challenge that my friend Alan Storey gave me when he said "Who are you when you are not..." In truth, I have had to try and discover - who am I when I am not a minister, when I am not a person with a PhD, when I am not an expert, when I am not... Who am I?

Finding answers to these questions takes some time. I don't think I have yet come close to understanding the complexity of my own identity, let alone the context withing which I now function.

So, ever morning when I get into my car to make the 25 minute commute to my office - a route that takes me along some beautful coastline and through some lovely mountains - I get quiet. I enjoy the silence. I ask God to be with me. I don't ask God to speak to me, just to be with me. And, it feels good!

I have come to enjoy those few minutes each day. Perhaps I am changing?