Leaving with a heavy heart. But, the sun is out, and I'll be back soon!

I have often written of how thankful I am for the lives of my children.  Our particular little struggle has been the life of our little boy Liam who was born at 27 weeks.  We thank God that he survived those first few weeks of life, and that for the largest part he is perfectly healthy.  However, he does have some special health needs and we are constantly aware of caring for him appropriately and protecting him from situations that could turn out to be quite serious because of his health.

Frequently little Liam has gone from having a cold to being hospitalized within a matter of days.  Megan and I know all the signs, and our pediatrician trusts us enough to allow us to keep a stock of antibiotics and other appropriate drugs to help him when he picks up an infection.  As such when we were given the opportunity to travel to Argentina together we knew that little Liam would have to come with us.  We could not leave him behind with just anyone.  So earlier in the month we got his passport, took him to the doctor for a checkup and ensured that he was ready to travel.  We had our regular stock of medication and we were all set for a great trip.  This week however, Liam picked up a cold and started getting all the signs we're accustomed to, spiking fever, a tight chest, light blue tinges on his fingernails and lips (which means that he is not getting enough oxygen saturation).  So we started to treat him with the nebulizer and antibiotics and took him to the doctor.

After checking him out the doctor indicated that Liam would not able to fly.  His lungs simply would not cope with the oxygen saturation of the aircraft.

So, Megie and Liam have remained behind in Somerset West.

My heart is heavy...  It is not a good thing to know that Liam is ill at the best of times, but it is even more difficult to leave him and Megie.

To change tack a little, many people have spoken to us about how we relate all of this struggle to God.  Some friends who do not believe think that we are naive to believe in a God who heals when our son is so sick.  Others who are more charismatic think that perhaps we don't have enough faith, and for that reason our son is sick.  Some more pensive friends have spoken of the complexity of theodicy (a theological study of the 'justice' of God, from the Greek Theos meaning God and the Latin dice meaning justice).  In short they question how a God who is all powerful, and is also all loving, could allow suffering.  Surely if God is all powerful and can heal any person, and God is infinitely loving, God would simply heal little Liam?  Well simplistically I guess that would be one option.  However, I have come to understand that health is certainly not a measure of wholeness.  I know many healthy people who are more fully whole because they have learned to grow and deepen their perspective on life, love, God's grace, and the wonder of human community, through their understanding of suffering.

What I can tell you with certainty is that we know that God loves us, and God loves Liam and Courtney.  We are certain that God's heart breaks when our hearts are broken, and that God gives us both courage and strength to cope with the vicissitudes of life.  An overseas trip could never cause me to doubt my faith in a God who willingly took suffering upon himself so that I could be free to truly live.  I find comfort in Christ's suffering, and even his death, and yes of course I find great hope in his resurrection to eternal life.

There is a sense in which God is not the owner of 'Disney world' where everything has a shine and veneer of happiness, yet it lacks true depth and joy.  Rather, the God I love and know deals with real life, life that is disappointing and messy, but also filled with the miracles of life and love, and that God brings wholeness in spite of health, and blessing in spite of struggle.

Please do spare a prayer for little Liam, for Megie, for Courts and I.

help a hacker dot com... seriously consider helping this hacker's son

The MySQL community -- who create, maintain and support the leading free database -- are raising funds for Andrii Nikitin, a MySQL support engineer in Ukraine whose little boy, Ivan, needs a $400,000 bone-barrow transplant.

"My family got bad news - doctors said allogenic bone marrow transplantation is the only chance for my son Ivan.

"8 months of heavy and expensive immune suppression brought some positive results so we hoped that recovering is just question of time.

"Ivan is very brave boy - not every human meets so much suffering during whole life, like Ivan already met in his 2,5 years. But long road is still in front of us to get full recover - we are ready to come it through.

"Ukrainian clinics have no technical possibility to do such complex operation, so we need 150-250K EUR for Israel or European or US clinic. The final decision will be made considering amount we able to find. Perhaps my family is able to get ~60% of that by selling the flat where parents leave and some other goods, but we still require external help."

He'll get a few dollars from me.

Donate to help Andrii Nikitin's son Ivan (Thanks, Danny!) reposted from boingboing

God may just be a little bit lonely...

Whenever I am in London I am always struck by the incredible diversity of people that live that glorious city! Just a few minutes on the London underground, or walking down Oxford street, and you soon come to realise that the world is filled with so many different people!

This quote from the book of Psalms is one of my favourites (I'm not sure that one should have 'favourite' quotes from the Bible, or should one!? Somehow I have a sneaking suspission that one should either NOT proof text particular verses, or that the whole of the message of scripture should hang together as one glorious 'favourite'...)

The earth is the Lord's and all that is in it, the world, and those who live in it.
- Psalm 24:1

This verse, in conjunction with the quote below, made me think about this nonsensical issue - the fact that God may just get lonely at times!

I often say to myself that, in our religion, God must feel very much alone: for is there anyone besides God who believes in the salvation of the world? God seeks among us sons and daughters who resemble him enough, who love the world enough so that he could send them into the world to save it.

- Louis Evely, In the Christian Spirit


There's that old joke about the guy who goes to heaven. When he gets to the pearly gates he is met by St Peter. St Peter is having a slow day and so he decides to give him a little tour of heaven. They walk past huge stadiums of rejoicing people, Peter points out that those are the Baptists having a prayer rally. Next they walk past the largest Cathedral the man has ever seen, in it are a throng of people praising God in the most beautiful liturgy ever heard, St Peter points out that those are the Catholics... This goes on as they pass one community of rejoicing believers after another. Eventually however, they get to a very large building with a large perimiter around it, pasted on the outside are large signs emploring the paserby to remain silent. When the man asked St Peter why they had to keep quiet when passing that particular Church he replied, "Oh, those are the Methodists... They think they're the only ones up here!"

I thought that was quite funny, but also quite telling! Oh, and before any Methodists get upset, remember I am a Methodist, and I use my own denomination as the example in the joke because I wouldn't want to make fund of anyone but myself!

Break my heart for what breaks yours... Changing gears

On the 2007 Hillsong Album, Saviour and King, there is a song that has the line 'Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I have for your Kingdom's cause'

From the first time that this concept penetrated my mind it has left a significant impact upon my actions, and my moment by moment awareness.  A friend, Lloyd Reeb, who wrote the book 'Success to significance' made the statement that a Christian will never find his or her passion and purpose unless they are open to experiencing what it is that breaks God's heart.

Have you ever considered what makes God weep when God looks upon your area, your community, the persons, places and activities that you encounter in your life?  Perhaps it is the hunger of a vulnerable and neglected child, or the bruised and broken body of a woman who lives with an abusive husband.... Perhaps it is the suffering of those whose country has been occupied by a conquering force?  

I think it is likely that God's heart will break over similar things that cause your heart to break - in God's omniscience, I believe that God can see both more joy, but also more sorrow, than we can see.

What I've found is that when I operate within that area, where my passion aligns with God's passion, then it is like changing gears - more speed with less effort.  Somehow I find it easier to work towards bringing about God's will and purpose when I feel passion and a strong emotional connection to the issue, or person, in focus.

My friend Alan Storey is one of those who has taught me most in this regard.  Alan leads frequent retreats for his congregation called 'A pilgrimage of pain and hope'.  He takes groups of persons to encounter the brokenness and hurt in the world, some of which is all around them all the time.  The realisation is that we become to hardened to the struggle and hurt of others that we no longer notice it - the children who live on our streets, the unemployed begging for money at the traffic lights etc.  It is a spiritual discipline to be carefully guided to have your heart broken by the brokenness of others.  In this you can find the opportunity and grace to act to change some of these situations.

When last was your heart broken for what breaks God's heart?  I am praying today 'Lord, break my heart for what breaks yours - everything I have for your Kingdom's cause'.

Love, peace, and proverbs...

A thought for today from Sojourners....

Whoever winks the eye causes trouble, but the one who rebukes boldly makes peace. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. - Proverbs 10:10-12

Love is not a doctrine. Peace is not an international agreement. Love and Peace are beings who live as possibilities within us. - Mary Caroline Richards, Centering

Bono's comment on the US bailout.

I thought this was a fairly pertinent observation... Why can we find the money to bail out the rich, yet not find the money to care for the poor!?

It's extraordinary to me that the United States can find $700 billion to save Wall Street and the entire G8 can't find $25 billion dollars to saved 25,000 children who die every day from preventable diseases.

- Bono, rock star and anti-poverty activist.

I am challenged by this!

How can one define the great social forces of our time?

Here's a remarkable quote, it struck a chord within me - my individual efforts, when added to the good will and good work of others, have the capacity to be part of something great!

Great social forces are the mere accumulation of individual actions. Let the future say of our generation that we sent forth mighty currents of hope, and that we worked together to heal the world.

- Jeffrey Sachs
The End of Poverty

I wonder how many Churches (and individual Christians) considered this?

The world is undergoing some fairly significant shaking with the collapse of some of the most significant financial institutions.

I was wondering how this affects the collective psyche of a world in which so many people base their security and worth on wealth.  I certainly wonder what the worth of my money in the bank is - surely there must be something must more stable and significant to base one's identity and security on?  Of course, that is the person of Christ who created and re-creates the whole world, moment by moment  (Col 1:16-17).

I was wondering how many individual Christians and Churches see this as an area to offer ministry?  Have we considered how we could bring peace and comfort in such uncertain times?  I walked past the London Stock exchange this week - there was a sign pasted on the door that said 'Closed until further notice'.  I'm not sure that this was the main building, but it was certainly a wake up call to me!  The world's richest nation is being humbled, and there is a realization that wealth is not something that guards one against struggle and hardship.  Surely this must make people uncertain and worried?  I'm quite sure that in a situation like this God's desire is to love and care for those who struggle.  How do we do that in the most tangible and effective manner?

This was just a thought...  I'll certainly be thinking about creative and loving ways to care for and assure individuals and groups that are feeling uncertain in these harrowing times!

Focus, satisfaction, distraction and effectiveness

I am not so naive as to think that only one path can bring personal fulfillment, I have personally come to discover that one needs a dialectic tension between challenge and comfort in order to thrive and achieve one's best.  Maintaining that tension, however, is perhaps one of the most challenging and difficult things to do.  I have frequently found myself leaning either towards challenge or comfort at the exclusion (or at least minimalisation) of the other.

Here's what I mean - I work best when there is a bit of pressure.  Perhaps it is just that very primal 'old brain' kicking in when there is a threat (the amygdala is not all that clever, it can't tell the difference between an external life threatening event and an internal 'ego' threatening event.  All that it can sense is that there is some form of threat - it may be a threat of shame or disappointment at not completing a task, or underachieving, or missing a deadline - whatever, the 'old brain' senses a threat and kicks my mind and body into action).  When one is under pressure (or threat) one gains extra energy, creativity and endurance (this is mainly because the brain causes the endochronotic system release adrenalin and a few other chemicals into one's system).  Sadly, some of us become too accustomed to operating in this manner and so we seek out situations of pressure (sometimes willingly, i.e., by taking on more work than we know we are able to do reasonably.  Sometimes unwillingly i.e., we procrastinate until the pressure is high enough to demand a sterling effort to complete a task).  Does this sound familiar!?  Well, the reality is that if this is not managed it can great a building up stress and toxins within your body and you can become ill.  I'm sure that we've all been there a few times in our lives!

The other extreme, comfort, is also a danger.  I have been here a little less frequently, but I have certainly been here!  This is that state where it all becomes too much for me and so a 'clutch out'.  At times this has been an endogenous reaction (i.e., it has come from within my body or mind - I simply need to create space to breath, and in doing so I slow down to such an extent that I either become ill or depressed), sometimes it is exogenous (i.e., like my motorcycle accident earlier this year - I am rushing from one appointment to the next, get knocked off my bike and end up in hospital).  The long and the short of it is that this is a time where I am unproductive, and because of my ego needs and personality makeup, a lack of productivity affects my self-worth (you know the Adam Smith - a person's value is measured by their contribution to society bit), and I also end up experiencing stress and struggle.

So, I have come to realise that I need a dynamic tension between challenge and comfort to deliver my best.  It is not all that subtle or refined, it is something that is quite functional.  It means that I have to spend a bit of time managing my diary, having creative outlets such as writing, blogging and preaching, and that I need enough challenges and new adventures to keep me interested and excited.

I came to realise some years ago that because of the complexity of this internal process that I will never be able to leave my 'happiness' entirely up to others - don't get me wrong, other persons and structures are an integral part of my happiness, but I cannot expert others to either create the environment, or facilitate the pace, in which I achieve my best.  That is the area in which I need to exercise mastery!  I need to set my pace to get the optimum situation, or else someone else will graft my life to their pace.

Sure, there is a measure of give and take, but at the end of the day I know that God understands my makeup (after all as Psalm 139 puts it, God both created me before I was born and dreamt and wrote about my life before I had even lived a day of it).  So, I pray about my day - frequently I pray about the appointments and persons in my diary, the challenges that lie ahead, and I plan and strategise to get the best out of my time and energy to balance comfort and challenge.

I'll admit, I don't always get it right - but at least there is the attempt and the intention.  Have you give any thought to what it is that makes you tick?  Perhaps half an hour or so considering your life in God's presence would be one of the best half hours you spend today!?

Here are a few tips I've received along the way - I'm better at some than others:

1.  Be sure that you are loved by God, and that God does desire the very best for you and those close to you.  This is not necessarily something that has to do with wealth, power, or acclaim - rather it has to do with true living and God's loving grace in spite of the very real situations and struggles of this world.

2.  Do your best to understand your unique God given gifts, purpose and ability.  This does change with training, experience, time and context.  But be relatively sure what it is that God has created you to do.  When you understand this it makes it much easier to do what needs to be done, and not do what others may want you to do, but is not part of your purpose.  Each person is uniquely gifted!  You will find great blessing, joy, and fulfillment when you are able to function in the area where you find blessing and bless others.  When you're outside of this you'll be frustrated and find your energy drained.  You will be most blessed when you do what God has created you to do since it will honour God who created you that way, and you will find a measure of challenge to grow in what you like, but also have enough confidence to operate in what you know you can do.  If I can offer one piece of advice in this regard - I frequently have to ask 'what can I do that no-one else can do (or do as well) can do?'  For me it is thinking the way I do, the way I write, relate to people like I do.  There are few people that have close relationships with some of the people I know, work with and have influence with.  So, I need to concentrate on those things and people and can have relative freedom to pass on the things that anyone else could be, or should be, doing.  Do you see what I am saying?  Operate within your area of unique ability and blessing, be careful not to get distracted or spend too much energy outside of this area.  It will wear you out and leave you feeling that you're not doing something worthwhile with your life and time.

3.  Re-evaluate your life frequently.  Make sure that you have a good balance between challenge and comfort.  Set some realistic goals to grow in what you're good at, what you're called to do, and to sharpen your skills.  There is a natural tendency to let those things that you do well and naturally 'slide' along.  For example, because I preach easily I often found when I was in pastoral ministry that I would often expend by best energy and most of my time doing things that I struggled to do (in order to cover those bases), then I would give whatever time and energy I had left for sermon prep.  I would preach OK, but end up being a generalist with fair results in everything rather than being very good at the one thing that I could do well.

You may have some other thoughts and insights to add!

Well, these are just a few thoughts that I typed while I was on the train from Wimbledon to Hatton Cross.  Blessings for the day ahead.  I am just about to get off the Piccadilly line service at Hatton Cross to go to my meetings.   My leg is feeling much better with the medication!

Distracted or disstressed, going underground.

I enjoy the London Underground. I suppose I enjoy it because it is a novelty and I don't have to depend on the tube to get to and from work each day. I've been staying with Craig and Kath in Wimbledon (which is a train rider's dream! You go on the underground, overland rail and a tram to get to their place!)

This morning, however, as I stood in an overcrowded train carriage I felt a bit sad for the people around me. There they were squashed in like sardines, so much so that people had to get out of the train to let passengers off, and then when the train left the station some people were left behind because there wasn't enough space for them.

What made me sad was that I noticed two common emotions - the people on the train with me were either distracted or distressed...

Those who were distracted had iPods, cell phones, newspapers and books to keep them from noticing the people around them. I wondered what most of them thought about their fellow passengers, what they thought about me? Do they notice the diversity, the gifting, the beauty and the mutual humanity in those other 'squashed' people? Do they think about the parents who leave their children very early, and come home late? Do they wonder if there are people on the train who are struggling to make ends meet? What about the foreigners from all over the world who've come to London in the hope of finding a better, safer, life - working as cleaners, or in a warehouse or shop. I wondered how long it took for one to become dull to the lives of others.

So, I prayed for each person that I saw. I didn't know what to pray for, but I asked God to bless each one, to bring joy and fulfilment into their lives - I do believe that is God's desire for every person and so I asked God to work that miracle for each person.

The other type of person that I saw were those who seemed distressed. These people rushed down the platform, looked at their watches, chewed their nails, bounced their legs, looked over their shoulders, and generally appeared under threat. Perhaps the threat came from without - they had been late for work once too often, or they had an important meeting to get to and were running late. Perhaps the threat came from within - many of us live with these kinds of threat - the pressure to perform, unrealised hopes and dreams, low self esteem, dissapointment at poor choices, secrets kept from loved ones, the inability to face plain truths...

Regardless of the pressures, I know that there is a way that is different, it is the way of peace that Jesus died for. It is a life that is not driven by performance, greed, or achievement. Rather this life is driven by affirmation, acceptance, and most of all, love.

So, I prayed for each of the persons that I saw who was distressed. I asked God to grant them inner peace, and victory over the struggles of this day. I prayed for their extended families, their places of work, and for their hopes and dreams.

I was left wondering how one makes a difference among people who are distracted and distressed, when you yourself suffer from these malladys... I suppose my insight and compassion comes from understanding, and so it makes me more willing to minister and more eager to help. How can one reach such persons? How does one care?

I need to pray a bit more about this one! But, I am pleased that I had this experience. It has enriched my life, broadened my insight, and offered me a fresh perspective on the needs of others.

If you encounter someone who is distracted or distressed, why not offer a prayer on their behalf? Who knows what the result may be!

Corrupted science - a whole new persepctive

Science, like religion, requires a measure of discernment! Not everything that you read in a text-book can be trusted (it's not like the internets you know! ;-) But, did you know that even some of the world's most respected and lauded figures in science had a few skeletons in the cupboard?

This great book by John Grant (see the review below) gives an exceptionally well researched and insightful overview of corrupted science (both in the sense of science that's just plain wrong, but also where science was used to further the cause of 'wrong').

John Grant's handsome little hardcover book "Corrupted Science: Fraud, Ideology, and Politics in Science," is an eye-popping tour through the history of bad (very, very bad) science, from eugenics to geocentrism to Lysenkoism. Grant -- whose stern historical tone is liberally relieved with bravura dry sarcasm -- approaches his topic from the general to the specific.

The book begins with a fine, brief history of fraudulent scientists, categorizing their frauds into self-deception, hoaxing, "cooking" (fudging research), and forging (a taxonomy from Charles Babbage's "Reflections on the Decline of Science in England"), and then ranges back and forth through history, revealing the minor and major frauds of respected figures like Newton, Galileo and Marco Polo to outright scoundrels like Ruth B Drown, who sold fake radio-based cancer cures to desperate, dying people for decades.

After this delightful and enervating overview, Grant moves on to different social causes of fraud: ideological scientists who fooled themselves (for example, the discoverers of "menstrual rays" and other improbable phenomena); then military fraud (CIA psi experiments, military waste on secret flying military bases that didn't, and, of course, Star Wars, junk Patriot Missiles and the Missile Defense Shield); religious fraud (bans on teaching evolution, intelligent design, und so weiter); then ideological attacks on science (the burning of the Library of Alexandria, the American Eugenics movement; anti-masturbation campaigns, young earth and New Age crackpots); and then finally onto the book's third act, a chilling exploration of the political curtailment of science.

Here, Grant begins with Nazi science, and not just the gruesome death-camp experiments we're all familiar with, but also the bizarre attacks on "Jewish" mathematics and physics and the effort to create "German" equivalents that adhered to the ideological tenets laid out by Hitler's regime. Of course, there's plenty here about junk genetics, weird theories about the origins of disease ("earth rays") (!), and then, finally, a stomach-turning look at the human subjects experiments undertaken in the death camps.

Next up is Stalinist Russia, and of course, that means Lysenkoism, an ideologically correct biology that led famines that killed millions. The social factors that brought Lysenko (and his contemporaries, including Lepeshinskaya, who advocated the idea of "spontaneous generation of life," despite this notion having gone out with Pasteur. Grant does a great job bringing these personalities to life, and giving a flavor of the reasons that some scientists were forced to toe the line while others (physicists -- vital to the nuclear arms race) were able to conduct their affairs with relatively little meddling. I was also fascinated by his description of the junk psychology that doomed political dissidents to a lifetime in mental institutions and the notion that some psychiatrists may have turned in their diagnoses in order to spare their patients the worse fate that awaited them in the Gulag.

Finally, Grant closes with the systematic attacks on science under the presidency of George W Bush, and makes a compelling case that the failure of countries that tried to constrain science in order to make it comply with ideology is a real possibility for the USA today. Grant's relentless account of the Bush administration's attacks on health science, environmental science, geoscience, evolutionary science, climate science and other critical disciplines is deeply chilling. The political hacks who censor NASA and EPA reports are clearly of a lineage with the commisars who doomed the Soviet Union by purging the bioscience that undermined their political philosophy.

Exhaustively researched and footnoted, Corrupted Science is excellent reading for anyone who believes that science is worth fighting for. Corrupted Science: Fraud, Ideology, and Politics in Science, Author's website

What's the difference between a Nigerian 419 scam letter and Hank Paulson's letter to Washington?

That's a good question - what is the difference between a Nigerian 419 scam email and Hank Paulson's letter to Washington to bail out Wall Street in the light of the recent collapse? Not much (if you consider this VERY tongue in cheek letter from Hank).

Seriously, this is a matter of some concern. I listened to two guys speaking about the merits and de-merits of a bail out while our train was stuck at Sloane Square station last night. The one guy made a good point, he said that this kind of 'bail out' tends to encourage rewarding people with poor fiscal responsibility. In other words, it's a bit like South Africa's national airline, no matter how badly you manage your finances, the government will always bail you out (and more)...

Of course the converse is that if the Federal reserve does not bail out Wall Street many, many, many innocent people will loose homes, cars, and their livelihood... It's a tough choice.

But, here's a little something to put a smile on your face regardless. What's the difference between Hank's letter and a Nigerian 419 scam? You tell me!

Hal sends us this "brilliant satiric email phrasing Hank Paulson's giant Wall Street bailout as Nigerian spam."

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson